It’s the time when my mind goes into overdrive, I think about all the things that have gone wrong, I think about the things I am unable to do and I think about how I’m going to cope with being in pain for the rest of my life. I can meditate but when the pain pushes past a certain point, I can’t get ‘in the zone’ as they say.
I laid there and then that thought pops up, it always does despite my best efforts to not think about it.
I think about whether I can keep fighting, I’m tired of waking up every day in pain and being in pain for the entire day and this cycle is going to keep on running for many years to come. This isn’t something that is going to kill me, nor is it something that will heal or can be cured and so I struggle with the endless fight and I often think about ending my life!
I have been told by a few people that I should see my GP and tell him about these thoughts, “you should see a psychiatrist”!
I have recently had appointments with the Pain Management Psychologist and I told her, she unlike most people understands that I’m not suicidal, I’m just in pain and that it’s quite common for people to think about taking their own life and yet they won’t do it.